Acknowledgements
When I think of the hundreds of people I’d like to acknowledge, most importantly I want to thank my sister and brother and mother and father (for I know he has always been with me) for always being there for me through thick and thin regardless of the muck I’ve dragged them all through. As the psychic said, my mother wasn’t dealt the best hand but she did the best she could with what she had and because of her, I know that I am good. I also want to thank my brother-in-law who has become a part of my family by definition but also in my heart. And my sister-in-law has been a role model of strength for me, especially recently, and I want to thank her as well for her part in our family. We have all had our own growth, and I’m grateful for where we have arrived!
I sincerely want to thank my ex-husband and his glorious family for their warmth, love, and kindness. He has continued to stand by my side in the ways that he can despite our circumstances. I realize I do love him, but our relationship didn’t bring out the best in me, as I was unable to fully be me. When I think of my ex, I have to say, “It’s not that the key or the lock is bad, it’s just that that key may not fit that lock.”
I’d like to thank Celene, K, Leslie, Carol, Padraig, Elisa, and Ken for reading every little morsel of my writing and giving me advice and feedback. It’s hard to find such dedicated readers these days. I’m also grateful for the insight provided and the deep conversations shared with such lovely folks. They were there for me through some very challenging times, and I can’t thank them enough.
Great appreciation to all the men who helped me discover the kind of love I need in my life, however painful that process may have been. I had to learn one way or another.
Many friends provided me with so much support in the writing of this manuscript before, during, and beyond. Good friends are a blessing, and I want to thank Michelle, Cori, Lisa, Leilani, Cami, Adrienne, Christine, Jenny, Jen, Amy, Sarah, Josh, Kristen, and Rachel for all they did for me now, before, and forever. Diane and Andy provided friendship, and endless advice, and pearls of wisdom for which I will forever be grateful. And thank you to all those people, you know who you are, who saved my life when I didn’t want it.
Even though I didn’t stick with all the recommendations of my editors, I need to give a very special thanks to Nancy and Victoria who both helped me in this process. Nancy cheered me on in the beginning when I thought my writing was worthless. And then while editing my book, Victoria said, “I’m not a psychoanalyst but . . .” and all I could think was, “But you are!” In my forty years of therapy, family constellations, shamans, psychics, ayahuasca, meditations, workshops for you name it- I tried it, Victoria exposed decades of toxic patterns which I couldn’t see in my writing that had locked me into a lonely dark depressed lifestyle evading any semblance of love. However hard, emotionally, this process has been, I am so appreciative of how she helped me to see myself in a different light. She has the skills of my most adored divorce lawyer whom I am also forever grateful to for summing up my hour-long discussions into one clear sentence.
And last, but definitely not least, I want to thank my lovely two children who may struggle with me putting this out there but who will hopefully understand in time the why of doing so. I have been far from perfect as a mother, but I tried my best with what I was capable of and only hope for the best for them.
As I write this, I don’t believe that most of us are bad. We’re all on this path in life trying to learn and figure out who we are and how to be in the world. We’re born into and experience different challenges that make us who we are and give us what we need to live in this lifetime. I don’t profess to say that I am ever 100 percent right (not even close), but this was my perspective at the time that I wrote this and each part provides deeper clarity on love, vulnerability, lessons, relationships, and forgiveness. Don’t judge. Be patient and you will see that everyone, in their own fucked up way, has a bit of good in them.
I sincerely want to thank my ex-husband and his glorious family for their warmth, love, and kindness. He has continued to stand by my side in the ways that he can despite our circumstances. I realize I do love him, but our relationship didn’t bring out the best in me, as I was unable to fully be me. When I think of my ex, I have to say, “It’s not that the key or the lock is bad, it’s just that that key may not fit that lock.”
I’d like to thank Celene, K, Leslie, Carol, Padraig, Elisa, and Ken for reading every little morsel of my writing and giving me advice and feedback. It’s hard to find such dedicated readers these days. I’m also grateful for the insight provided and the deep conversations shared with such lovely folks. They were there for me through some very challenging times, and I can’t thank them enough.
Great appreciation to all the men who helped me discover the kind of love I need in my life, however painful that process may have been. I had to learn one way or another.
Many friends provided me with so much support in the writing of this manuscript before, during, and beyond. Good friends are a blessing, and I want to thank Michelle, Cori, Lisa, Leilani, Cami, Adrienne, Christine, Jenny, Jen, Amy, Sarah, Josh, Kristen, and Rachel for all they did for me now, before, and forever. Diane and Andy provided friendship, and endless advice, and pearls of wisdom for which I will forever be grateful. And thank you to all those people, you know who you are, who saved my life when I didn’t want it.
Even though I didn’t stick with all the recommendations of my editors, I need to give a very special thanks to Nancy and Victoria who both helped me in this process. Nancy cheered me on in the beginning when I thought my writing was worthless. And then while editing my book, Victoria said, “I’m not a psychoanalyst but . . .” and all I could think was, “But you are!” In my forty years of therapy, family constellations, shamans, psychics, ayahuasca, meditations, workshops for you name it- I tried it, Victoria exposed decades of toxic patterns which I couldn’t see in my writing that had locked me into a lonely dark depressed lifestyle evading any semblance of love. However hard, emotionally, this process has been, I am so appreciative of how she helped me to see myself in a different light. She has the skills of my most adored divorce lawyer whom I am also forever grateful to for summing up my hour-long discussions into one clear sentence.
And last, but definitely not least, I want to thank my lovely two children who may struggle with me putting this out there but who will hopefully understand in time the why of doing so. I have been far from perfect as a mother, but I tried my best with what I was capable of and only hope for the best for them.
As I write this, I don’t believe that most of us are bad. We’re all on this path in life trying to learn and figure out who we are and how to be in the world. We’re born into and experience different challenges that make us who we are and give us what we need to live in this lifetime. I don’t profess to say that I am ever 100 percent right (not even close), but this was my perspective at the time that I wrote this and each part provides deeper clarity on love, vulnerability, lessons, relationships, and forgiveness. Don’t judge. Be patient and you will see that everyone, in their own fucked up way, has a bit of good in them.